“Top Chef” season 13, episode 12: the return of the absurd

“I’ll make him eat the impossible.” “I’m going to bring him an empty plate.” Already? Two short weeks of break time and here we are already on the path of the absurd? The concept dish dictatorship must end. We were so comfortable with ravioli.

Yes, Stéphane announces it, this week it will be “Placed under the sign of high culinary acrobatics”. What exactly does it consist of? Juggling pumpkins? Trapeze while eating spring rolls? We don’t really know, but the host of the first round is Mike Bagale, a guy who “Developed what had never been done before: flying food”. How tired. Especially since there is already flying food, it’s called pheasant and it’s delicious.

Before the start of the event, however, we are presented with tables with points and teams to explain the rules. It all sounds very complicated, but the only thing to remember is that Louise, the only red woman and the only one left, will be attending both events. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is called mental load.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg in heaven when she read the news.

First try

Mike Bagale arrives to demonstrate his revolutionary dish. It looks like he is making aligot, but in reality he is not doing it, he is making edible balloons. “It’s called floating food”, says Stephane. At the risk of sounding like a right-wing columnist, do we really need to label EVERYTHING?

“I called this dish Nostalgia”, explains the chef. So personally, as a kid, I didn’t eat my balloons. Paschal: “Eating a ball would never have crossed my mind.” Well, we agree, man.

My shrink when I tell her my dreams.

The challenge for the candidates will therefore be that of “find a new idea or concept”. You know we don’t have I ALWAYS need to invent new things huh. The atomic bomb and the deepfake by Dalidafor example, we didn’t have to.

Pascal then decides to do it “Eat the impossible” to Chef Bagale, the impossible is a habanero pepper, one of the hottest peppers in the world. I know because in Texas they put it in jam. His idea of ​​him is to make a flavored snowball in which he will put a chili paste. I didn’t quite understand the concept but Pascal seems sure of himself: he will do everything “So that this experience of eating the impossible becomes possible”. Sounds like Macron’s speech.

As the competitor tastes his recipe, he misses the caner due to the power of the chili. Already it tends to blush easily from the base, if it continues it will be like the Covid map of France in 2021, soon there will not be enough colors or synonyms of “scarlet”. “I realized that in fact you shouldn’t hold back in life”, the young chef tells us. We will put it on his grave.

The machine every time I pay contactless.

On Wilfried’s side, incredible but true: the candidate will do it “traveler” with “A culinary world tour”. He is truly this season’s David Gallienne, FRAM food guide. “Travel has an important place in my life as a cook and in my life as a man, I mean.” They look like the guys on Tinder who put a flag emoji from every country they’ve been to.

After that, he is sure that preparing five dishes at one event is a great challenge. Already when I do one in one evening I am proud of myself, very good. To further destabilize the customer, each of his recipes will be hidden in tiny balls of black pizza dough. After a try, Wilfried is happy: “That’s exactly what I wanted”and what he apparently wanted was to do a rat poop trick out of it.

While Wilfried cooks 48,000 dishes per second and Pascal burns his glottis with pepper, Arnaud has decided to make a tequila bam, but with mussels. Good bah Arnaud, we are in the last chance eh.

But the most farted project of the evening is precisely that of Louise, who proudly declares: “I’ll make him ruffle the tablecloth.” I want to file a complaint against this moral harassment program. Inspired by Charlie and the Chocolate Factorythe young woman actually decided to do it “eat the decor” to the boss. “I’ll bring an empty plate and voila, dinner will be served.” In the meditation apps, under the categories “stress” and “sleep”, we will soon have to add a “Top Chef” test section.

The contestant originally planned to make a squid tablecloth, but that didn’t work out, so she eventually made a chicken flower tablecloth. It’s completely crazy, but we have to admit that the end result is truly stunning. On the other hand, there’s plenty of Fleury Michon style chicken breast to swallow anyway.

No, because there is enough turkey breast to wrap Tutankhamun.

The tasting begins and all you need to remember is that Pascal called his dish “The ball of the extreme”…… .. I’ll let you insert your joke.

In terms of results, Pascal is the first, Louise the second, Wilfried the third and poor Arnaud, of course, last.

Second test

After this first event sponsored by Pennywise, the show welcomes the best of the best: Anne-Sophie Pic. Anne-Sophie Pic, a chef who is as brilliant as she is friendly, who comes to do tastings with her notebook to take notes. What a woman. Everyone should be as humble, studious and conscientious as she is. Send it to Matignon.

The flu returning after two years of RTT.

The challenge is to make a dish around a single vegetable, but with all its varieties. “On the other hand, I wish there were no animal proteins”asks the chef. In front of the office doors, an ambulance is ready to help Mickaël in case of illness. On the other hand, sorry Anne-Sophie, usually the small montages on the recipes of the guests make you drool, but nothing sells me less than the dream of a dish that sublimates … beetroot.

Candidates have to draw their vegetable. Mickaël falls on the carrot, Lilian inherits the beetroot. “The beetroot is great, I’m super happy”: example of a sentence never said before.

Sébastien took the green bean, and guess what: he took the peach. The candidate decides to make a salad with green beans, but also with other varieties such as white and black beans. But suddenly the flageolets are vegetables ?? Ah, but I had to say, this changes everything in my life. And if not, Sébastien, why does it always seem that he is declaiming an opera?

No one has ever been so enthusiastic about green beans.

Lilian’s beetroot cubes: despicable. We’ll pass quickly because beetroot is the Zemmour of food, it doesn’t deserve speaking time.

Finally, Louise comes across endives, an ingredient she hates. So she decides to make a tart style dessert with endive and, honestly, it looks crazy (yes, I like Se-loui too).

Also, unsurprisingly, it was a well-deserved victory for Louise, who worked twice as much as the other brigades. Despite her excessive use of verlan, she is a hell of a competitor.

It is therefore the other three brigades that must send a candidate as a last resort. On the program, a confrontation between Wilfried, Mickaël and Arnaud, and the theme… IT’S DUCK BREAST. I literally screamed in front of my TV. FINALLY THE “TOP CHEF” WE WANT. THANK YOU.

Arnaud, always the candidate of my heart, will put LA PEAU DU MAGRET IN A PANINI GRILL. Bravo Arnaud. There is nothing sadder than a non-crunchy duck breast skin. Se: people who do not eat duck breast skin. When Arnaud slices his divine preparation, the sound of grease crunching under the blade is a poem, an aural odyssey, a greasy rhapsody, an unprecedented auditory orgasm.

Finally Mickaël and Arnaud are fished out, and Wilfried is eliminated, who had the good idea of ​​making us travel (stop) with duck breast meatballs (yum). Arnaud starts crying when he’s the one who stays, you feel like he’s the kind of guy who cries more than the deceased’s family at a funeral. As for Wilfried, he proves to be a true champion and starts with the best possible attitude:

Political leaders when they see the new IPCC report.

Still, it was nice. Good wind Wilfried!

Bonus

Dementors when they see your soul:

I wish someone would look at me like Anne-Sophie Pic looks at emptiness:

When you get a second mojito when it’s only Wednesday:

Sign up for the Slate newsletterSign up for the Slate newsletter

Lilian tells us that her slogan is “Aim for the moon and you will reach the stars”. Indeed, Lilian is a Skyblog.

Leave a Reply